For years I watched Ray Blum tirelessly review for The Advertiser, and I used to think how exhausting it would be to review the theater or the arts every single weekend. I spend every possible Friday evening playing bridge with three adorable ladies, and I steadfastly refuse to give that up. With the proliferation of theatrical companies in the area, there are sometimes four to five different productions playing on the same dates, making it impossible to catch everything. It's both a blessing and a curse to have so much theater in the area; so much from which to pick, so little time.

     Being a freelance critic, I am bound by no constraints of catching every play out there. I can fortunately pick and choose, and knowing a good many people in the area, I have a roughly good idea of which productions possess quality and which do not. I actually hesitate every time I place a review online because these words are the opinion of only one soul with only a certain history of theater. I do not look forward to writing negative reviews, though my reviews of Fire Eye and Rent certainly qualified as such. Such atrocious productions would not even catch the eye of Ben Brantley of the New York Times, a model of mine for theatrical reviews. And yet, there are times a negative review is warranted, and this one definitely qualifies. No, I am not reviewing a play as I am presently in the middle of a successful run of IPAL's Man of La Mancha. I am reviewing a restaurant.

     Wayne Peltier opened Clementine's Restaurant in 1999 on Main Street in New Iberia. Mr. Peltier is an exceptional cook, a wonderful personality, and a doting father, and Clementine's once had a reputation for being as exceptional as he is. Not anymore. The website's first words are “Attention to detail in respect to food, décor, and service sets Clementine apart from its competitors.” The décor of the restaurant is the ONLY thing that deserved respect, as the place does possess a genuine ambiance. Sadly, the other two aspects were sorely lacking Saturday evening. It may be one of the few restaurants that stays open late on Saturday nights, but that does not give it the right to subject its patrons to shoddy service and less-than-its-best in terms of food.

     Our party of thespians arrived at the restaurant between 10:12 and 10:30, and we were seated in the larger dining area away from the band, which was a blessing as the bands can get rather loud, making polite conversations all but impossible. Most of the twenty or so, however, had arrived by 10:30 and yet orders for our food were not taken until 11:15. It was never certain who our exact waiter or waitress was, as they often peered through the window as if we had some contagious disease. When they would appear, they also served one of our friends, who always orders a coke, a newly-reduced size cup that would have made New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg proud, but it was hard escaping the “kiddie” cup visions that danced in our heads. Nor was that coke regularly refilled as the staff, upon gathering our orders, disappeared in Narnia and rarely returned until the food was ready.

     I know it's restaurant etiquette to bring out all the food at the same time, but it took 31 minutes to prepare all the orders, and it definitely destroys your confidence in the staff when they bring an order to one of the people in my group and ask, “Is this yours?” Naturally, it was not, prompting the poor waitress to return to Narnia, never to be seen until a more senior staff member arrived. When all the meals were appropriately dispatched, some of us stared politely at each other—some of us glared inquisitively at the staff— wondering if we would ever receive utensils. One poor waiter—I taught his older brother—came rushing in with a handful of knives and forks to make up for the loss, but it still took him some time to reach us all. Finally, after 1 hour and thirty minutes for some of us, we were able to eat.

     My sister has raved about the food at Clementine's, and there have been evenings I have thoroughly enjoyed the food. Not tonight. My meal of Barbecue shrimp was actually good, but someone got a huge shell in their crab cakes, and while that may not be uncommon, it caused her to refrain from eating the rest of her meal. Another who ordered the chicken parmigianna had the chicken slightly burnt on the outside. Another friend ordered coffee after their meal and were served ice cold coffee; apparently the staff had put the coffee on the warmer but had forgotten to turn that warmer on. One of the group members had to go into the kitchen three times to remind the staff about the cheese-bread, but as one staff member did not know where the cheese was, my friend had to settle for just bread.

     It's hard to single out any server as exceptional, as there seemed to be blunder after blunder. After the cokes not being refilled in a timely manner, after the mix-up of dishes, after the lack of silverware, about the one thing they got right was NOT purposefully adding 18% gratuity, which is normal for parties of our size. Still, one person never got her change from a twenty dollar bill for an eleven dollar meal, and it took talking to a senior staffer to get it.
     I repeat, Wayne Peltier is an exceptional cook, but my impression is that he has removed himself from the day-to-day running of his restaurant. I would strongly suggest that he hire a competent manager or return to his restaurant before this increasingly-negative reputation hurts his business. The bar will obviously make more money, but he takes pride in his food. It would also do him good to live up to the words of the Clementine webpage; right now it does not.